elizabethtown

I’m an obsessive person. One might call it “tunnel vision.” Whatever (or whoever) I’m focused on, gets all my attention. Other things fall by the wayside, even meals. On the up side, this is a good thing. It motivates me, keeps me on track, and helps me finish things. But… it can be emotionally exhausting (not to mention hard on the eyes, if it involves a computer screen!).

Sometimes, I wonder about my workaholic tendencies… I often find myself lazy and unmotivated (much has to do with my interest level; there is no middle ground with me, no lukewarm, no tepid… either it is all out love or “I don’t care”) but that doesn’t swing with my boundless energy when it comes to doing something I love. What it all seems to boil down to is… purpose. If there’s no purpose in it, I don’t want to do it. I don’t see the point of doing it, if there’s no end result benefit. This means I try stuff out for awhile, I see the pointlessness of it, and I stop.

Why did I stop posting movie reviews of modern stuff? Because everyone else is doing it. Why did I keep the costume drama reviews? Because no one else is doing it. Do you see it? That’s a purpose, to provide readers with information they can’t get elsewhere. It isn’t pointless. I don’t “do” hobbies, because the end result isn’t worth the effort, plus you have to figure out what to do with the “stuff” you made. I stopped drawing because I knew even if I practiced for the rest of my life, I’d never be as good as someone with natural talent. Frankly, I struggle with the futility of being a writer a lot… I sit down to write a book and think, “Others have already written on this topic… is there a point?” or “There are a million books out there, why should anyone read mine?” That is being results-oriented. I find that hard. I can let it veer me off course, but I refuse to.

There is a purpose in writing, to express an idea or belief, in addition of having the “control” over your own world. What better playground do we have than our imagination? We can create entire worlds that bow to our every whim, and live out our desire to be ruler of the universe on a blank page. We are the originators of multi-layered plots, morally questionable characters, and a distinct lack of needless add-ons. I wish more INTPs would write books! Think of all the purpose-driven plots! The complex twists and turns! The unexpected shocks! The cleverness of its characters! The lack of internal dialogue or pages upon pages of pointless description! You can express an idea, challenge people’s perceptions, and manipulate their emotions the way you know you want to, all from your desk!