Lies Society Tells Us

You know what? The world’s a liar.

And the sad thing is that even Christians can get caught up in the lies.

I grew up in a sensible Christian household with limited outside influences. But the lies still snuck in. I don’t know how it happened, or where it came from, but it did. It brought me nothing but frustration and unhappiness, until I threw the lies out and started embracing the truth. It wasn’t fun. In fact, it was hell. But now that I have come through the fire, my life is much better off.

Here are some the lies that crept into my life.

Men are predators. This lie is still ongoing, and the sad thing is that many guys have also bought into it. It has scared them away from opening doors for girls, or asking them out, because it makes them feel as if they are being too aggressive. God only knows where this lie came from in my life. I never had a guy treat me badly. My dad is great. All the Christian men in our church are great. So why did I grow up disliking men and wanting nothing to do with them? What made me write off marriage at age fourteen? I have no idea. I didn’t even realize I had a problem with men until God brought it to my attention and said, “Knock it off.”

That’s when I did a lot of repenting and crying. The scariest part was admitting it to my friends, and explaining to them how my opinions had changed. Most of them were happy for me. A few were shocked. And others had noticed it a long time ago and never said anything (which is probably wise, since I would have denied it anyway).

Wanting to just be a woman is bad. I hate this lie. It hacks up chunks. You know why I hate it? Because it is by far the hardest lie to overcome. Sometimes when women tell me, “All I want to be is a wife and mother,” I still flinch. I hate the fact that I flinch. I hate the fact that I want to go, “That’s it?” In case no one has noticed, being a mom is hard. It is also, quite possibly, the most important job that any woman will ever do, because she has the next generation in her hands, under her care. It will be largely her responsibility (and her husband’s) if those kids turn out badly. It is a thankless job in which you have to be tough – to deal with the “I hate you” and “you just want to ruin my life!” bits, as well as potty training and home schooling and everything else that goes with it.

So you know what, World? Lay off stay at home moms. Mrs. Weasley proves that just because you spend most of your time wrangling kids does not make you a pansy. Someone calling Molly Weasley “just a stay at home mom” hacked off J.K. Rowling, and it hacks me off too. Back off. Stay at home moms can clean your clock ten ways from Tuesday.

Wanting to be taken care of makes you weak. No, it doesn’t. It makes you sensible. The world is a rough place to be in, and no one can do it alone. Either you can be tough as nails, or you can find sanctuary in having someone to walk that crappy path with you. I cannot do it all myself. I won’t be able to handle losing my parents by myself. I cannot take care of a ranch by myself. And just because I can take care of many aspects of my life by myself doesn’t mean I want to. Could I change my own oil and rotate my tires? I probably could… but why would I want to?

Feminism is the solution to your problems. It is not. In fact, feminism doesn’t exist. If it did exist, there would be a lot of so-called feminists hacked off that more female babies are aborted every year than male babies, because females are “less desirable.” If feminism existed, so-called feminists would give a crap about little girls being sold into prostitution in Asia, and Muslim women being treated like dirt in the Middle-east. But they don’t, because all real “feminism” is about is pretending that society doesn’t need men. Well, I have news for feminists: we do need men. We need real men, and feminists’ successful attempts to castrate the men of our society must end.

I have no idea where these lies came from. Maybe I set foot outside my front door one day and they seeped through my pores. Maybe they were hidden in the Dr. Quinn episodes that I watched ever so faithfully (I enjoy that series, but it is the epitome of Political Correctness – oh, geez, as an adult it is so much more blatant). Wherever I got them, I’m glad to be rid of them. Life is so much stressful just to admit that I don’t have to do everything. Do you have any idea how stressful it is to grow up a female in this culture and worry about making enough money and being successful enough to live up to the expectations of the world at large? It is so not worth it.

22 Replies to “Lies Society Tells Us”

  1. This was a delightful and honest post, Charity. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. You are a very gifted writer and it is a pleasure to be able to see God working in your life. I really appreciate when you post on such important issues.

    Oh, and thanks, too, for posting about the 25th anniversary edition of the Phantom of the Opera. Despite the fact that I passionately disliked the Hollywood movie, I bought the new one on your recommendation and simply adore it! Now that is Andrew Lloyd Webber as he was meant to be!

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You are very encouraging. =)

      Isn’t the 25th edition of Phantom AMAZING?? I watched it four times in two weeks, that’s how much I loved it. I then had to stop, because otherwise I would have been singing it constantly and driving my entire family nuts. =D

  2. Love, love that you brought up Mrs. Weasley as part of your argument. I’m going to remember that.

    I would disagree in one thing, that feminism does exist– it may be a small group of women, but they are out there, fighting to keep girls out of prostitution, fighting for women’s rights in the Middle East.

    1. There are some genuine “feminists” out there, but alas, the movement has been taken over by radicals. I think we need to invent a new name, other than “feminist.” =(

  3. Another well written article, Charity, even if I’m in two minds about the ‘wanting to be looked after’ thing. While I completely agree that there is no such thing as “just a mother” I do want to pull my own weight and contribute wherever I can, even if that means taking on more traditionally ‘male’ roles at times.

    The other week I got a flat tire and, having never been shown how to change one before, had to wait for assistance. When the man turned up I asked him to talk me through what he was doing and it turned out to be absurdly simple. I could have done it myself in 10mins and saved a lot of time on my journey. I’m not saying that men are redundant – I’m a big fan of men! – or that we don’t all need help from time to time, but as a single female twenty-something there isn’t usually a man around. For me, at the moment, ‘wanting to be taken care of’ normally means sitting around waiting, and I don’t see why I should have to wait for help I wouldn’t even need if somebody had just thought to teach me how to change a tire. It’s not so much the expectations of society that bother me, more what I expect from myself.

    1. I have never thought women should be incapable of taking care of day to day needs. I think that, in our society when women outnumber men, it is wise to know how to do things for yourself — change a tire, change the oil, that sort of thing. The thing is, not all of us are going to get married. Not all of us are always going to have a guy around. We should be prepared for that and in our own best interest, in addition to in an element of self-confidence, know how to look after ourselves.

  4. I will say with no shame whatsoever that my main goal in life is to be a wife and mother, and I hope to meet my husband by following God’s rules.

    In fact, I started my blog because I want people to see that it is possible to have an amazing life by following the path God has set.

    I am definitely NOT a feminist. Not but. I think feminism is completely ridiculous. It’s not a popular opinion in today’s world, but I believe that my job as a woman is to submit to my husband. My life now is spent gaining the skills I’ll need to do this.

    I really love your blog, BTW. 🙂 I’m subscribing.

    1. I hope that God fulfills the desires of your heart, and leads you to a man worthy of being followed. =)

      Your blog looks like fun! I don’t have much time this morning (I’m just running out the door) but I plan on reading more of it this afternoon. I stumbled across your Alan Rickman post and thought “… I like this girl.” =D

  5. Interesting post, Charity! I think the last bit you mentioned about feminism nailed it in the head with my own feelings about the subject. Part of me feels real bad that I’m not more gung-ho about it since it is focusing on female empowerment but there’s something about the movement that rubs me the wrong way; maybe it’s just the more militant movements that are a complete turn-off to me for nitpicking and writing off every single detail of our lives and our understanding of the world. Or maybe it’s stemming out of my experience of not using it/preferring it as a way of approaching academic study. Or maybe I simply do not like being told that this is the only solution for us women to gain leverage in society 😉

    Yay for stay-at-home mums! 🙂

    1. Feminism is a lie that women buy into. It is a destructive force in society, because it strips men of their manliness and convinces women that they should desire something they never wanted in the first place. If feminism really was about protecting women — all women — I could get behind it. But it isn’t.

  6. This post was really a blessing to me, Charity! I’ve seen so many Christian girls embracing these lies, that sometimes I start to wonder if there’s something wrong with me. I like to stay home and want to get married and be a mom! It’s so amazing to see that as you are drawing closer to God you feel the need to let go of these things. I’m growing in respect for you, girl!

    Even though I’m a believer in homemaking, I was challenged by this post to work on my tendency to act like I can and need to do everything myself.

  7. I have nothing to add but a hearty amen!

    On another note, season 6 of DW came to Netflix. Be sure that my next e-mail will be full of me going on and on and on about it. So far, it has blown. me. away.

  8. I saw a link to this on tumblr. I have to say, AMEN, especially to the bits about stay-at-home moms and real men. Well said! (Also, I’m a Phantom Phan as well. :D)

  9. I feel the passion in every word of this post and it makes me so proud of you! I bought into the lies a little less than you but there’s still some that I struggle with. I’ll always remember little Shirley Temple in one of her movies declaring how she’s “Very self-reliant.” I tried to fool myself into thinking she was right. But really, women don’t need to be that self-reliant. My dad takes care of my car for me, so I don’t have to worry about it. I can change a tire if the need arises, but I’d much rather let a man do it. There’s so many physical things in my life that I can do and should probably step back from sometimes to think about why I want to do them. Is it to prove something to myself? That I’m physically on par with men? Probably and that’s something I need to seriously reconsider. Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I need to. Your post is awesome and a great reminder to me!

    Carissa

    P.s. As you can see I now have a WordPress account. 🙂

    1. I was afraid to put up this post because of how other people might respond. I hate the fact that just saying that you do not WANT to take care of yourself is perceived as weakness. I have pretended for so long that I am completely self-reliant, and it’s a bold-faced lie. I could not support myself on my own, financially. That sucks, but it is the truth. I’m so grateful that at this point in my life, I don’t have to — and I hope that either God provides me with a partner in marriage, or that He will help me figure out a way to earn a living when my parents are gone. The hardest thing about this is learning to trust Him with it, and not care what other people think.

      Yay for official wordpress accounts! =D

  10. “So you know what, World? Lay off stay at home moms. Mrs. Weasley proves that just because you spend most of your time wrangling kids does not make you a pansy. Someone calling Molly Weasley “just a stay at home mom” hacked off J.K. Rowling, and it hacks me off too. Back off. Stay at home moms can clean your clock ten ways from Tuesday.”

    On behalf of stay-at-home moms, everywhere: Thank you.

    I especially LOVE this post of yours, Charity.
    It is very well-written.

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